Right now my insomnia is kicking my butt big time. I haven't even tried to go to sleep yet. I get more frustrated lying in bed thinking about stupid things than I do staying awake and piddling, so here I am, blogging away. I feel like I have not recovered after finals. I turned in my last paper early just because my hair kept falling out in big chunks and I was afraid that my heart might stop beating in my sleep. What did I do today? I worked my arss off. I didn't even get that awesome post-finals recovery day where you sleep in until 1PM and eat Chunky Monkey out of the carton and watch cartoons until you are finally motivated enough to put on some deodorant.
One of my clients killed me tonight. Her handwriting is less than stellar and she often cannot read what she wrote down hours beforehand. Tonight she said,
"Here are some things that the Chinese invented: gun powder, rockets, fire works, and mimes. Mimes? Those little French guys? Everyone hates them."
I said,
"Honey... I think you mean mines. As in.. land mines. As in... what blew off Lieutenant Dan's legs in 'Nam."
Then at some point, she pooted.
She was mortified. I laughed. Thank God seventh grade only lasts a year. I can't imagine being stuck in that stage for longer than a year. Ha. Can you imagine pooting in front of your therapist when you are always trying to impress her? Poor sweetheart. It was hysterical, though.
The other night I baby sat some kids to earn a little extra Christmas cash. I hate being broke. Anyway, they were good kids, but at the beginning of the night when they told me their dog "climbed up the ladder onto the roof and ate all of our food and fell onto the ground and its skull cracked open and there was blood and brains everywhere," I knew I'd be dealing with some interesting experiences.
All I know is that I went to the bathroom, left the kids alone for like two minutes, and found them jumping on the bed, buck naked, singing "The Farmer and the Dell" at the top of their lungs. They were also singing along to some creepy kids CD, so there was this deafening chorus of Disney-esque kids singing in the background. Unbelievable.
They also called me Tiffany non stop. Somehow, "Rachel" was far too complicated. Their last babysitter was named Tiffany, so apparently, my name is, also.
I called my grandmother the other night and she told me that "now is the time in my life where I should be getting married." I am really glad that I moved to LA. In the South (I speak for Memphis and Baton Rouge, anyhow), if you're a woman and you aren't married by the time you're 22, you're a haggard old bag of crap who will resort to teaching school, having lots of cats, and watching "MaMa's Family" every day at 4. It's nice, because in LA, you meet people who are well into their 30's who are not married, have never been married, and aren't on the lurch to get married. It's refreshing. People are out doing things with themselves; pursuing education, pursuing jobs, traveling, being creative. It takes a lot of pressure off. I just said, "Thanks, MeMaw. If I meet Mr. Right any time soon, I'll let you know." I highly doubt that Mr. Right will walk along in the near future. Thank God. Other people's obnoxious habits drive me flippin nuts. Cultural differences. Blows my mind.
On Monday I was telling my boss that I suck at multiple choice tests because I always factor in exceptions. I always think, "It's probably A. Unless such-and-such happens, and then the answer is B. But if THIS happened, C could work. It's D. Unless ___ goes down." I just suck at them. I am a global thinker. I imagine the possibilities. I look at things and see what they can become, not what they are. So then she says,
"That's because you're a democrat."
What?
"You're a democrat. You look at all of the options. Republicans are so rigid and believe in one right and one wrong. We aren't like that, we look at all of the options, and that's why we have it so hard."
I hate it when people make assumptions. We all do it, to some degree, but it irritates me. I am far from a democrat. I don't even know what the H I am these days, but democrat, I am not. I am also all about an absolute right and wrong. I have a pretty strong moral compass. I don't believe in situational ethics. Anyway, I just sat there with a blank face. I didn't even care anymore. I get so burned out on people just assuming that I am this or that, but I guess me being so irritated can help me be more sensitive about not making assumptions about others. Aw. Big hug. Life lessons, by Jack Handy.
Ramble ramble ramble. WHY CAN'T I JUST GET TIRED?!
I keep looking on craigslist (my vice) and these ads for insomnia keep popping up. Maybe I should check it out. Kind of like those people who take phin-phin and almost die and wind up driving Bentleys. Or like that guy in office space who got hit by the truck and won all of that cash money in the lawsuit. Actually, it wouldn't be like that at all. But anyway.
I'm gonna go give sleeping the good ole' college try. Might be back to blog again soon if the REM cycle falls through. Ciao for now.
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