My Last Victorious Day

Today is my last day of work in the most depressing, taxing, burnout provoking environment I've ever encountered. That feeling that my sister told me about- the one she said that I would have whenever I graduated from college- I HAVE IT RIGHT NOW. Degrees and promotions and accolades could never give me this feeling.

I am free.

I have a sense of relief and peace and victory like I've never felt before- like I've just slayed a dragon with a butter knife. All odds were against me and I've still come out alive. Barely. I feel like I can finally start a healing process and begin to investigate job options that could potentially bring me joy instead of despair. Imagine that!

This morning, my boss asked me to write my own letter of recommendation. How typical. It seems like all of my bosses have me write their personal thank you notes or letters of reference or love notes to their spouses on Valentine's Day. I'd be crushed if I knew that I received a sympathy card that was written by some office peon. I hate insincerity. One time she had me write a sympathy note to a colleague of hers whose wife had recently died. She wanted to sign it with, "I hope you aren't too lonely without Barbara." I told her this was unbelievably calloused and tacky and I refused to be a part of it. She began to laugh hysterically and quizzically, wondering why I would not write this for her.

Unbelievable.

Thank God I have decent writing skills. I wrote my letter of rec this morning, and I tried to capitalize on the things she's told me over and over again, throwing jellybean rewards my way with no monetary compensation. I sent the letter to my sister, who often writes recs for her interns, and these were her (hilarious) replies:

You should have said,

"it has been my privilege to act as a reference on behalf of Rachel. working here is tougher than any war-zone environment. Rachel came to combat daily for 2 years with a pauper's salary. don't do what i did, or she will quit your company too."

"Rachel was a part of the historic process of man-handling Attila the Hun. She showed great diplomacy in dealing with reeking breath and fits of rage"

"Rachel's maturity level was exceptional as she rose above the leadership of her work environment on every occasion of temper tantrums""
Hahahahha. There's nothing better than laughing with someone who knows your pain. That might be the greatest gift of life aside from Jesus.

Here's a facebook message I received from a friend who reads my Blog:

"Have a blast on your final working day in the whorehouse of western civilization. Space may be the final frontier, but it's made in a Hollywood basement"
And another Facebook message from the guy I replaced at my job:

"I hear tell today is your last day....as a fellow escapee I can certainly imagine how you're feeling today."

I feel strangely relieved, like I've just found out I don't have a terminal illness.

I talked to our IT guy about a week ago, who stops in sporadically to fix stupid problems that I could fix on my own (even a MONKEY could figure out how to make a signature on Outlook), and he was very down in the dumps about me leaving my job. He and I are pretty good buddies. I think I crave that testosterone to balance out everyone's mutual menstrual cycle in this office, and because I don't bring all of my emotions with me to work, he enjoys shooting the bull with me. He's like my Jewish, middle-age, earring-bearing dad from the Valley. He was very encouraging and told me he worked at a telephone company for just under 10 years, and at the 10 year mark he was supposed to get a huge raise and stock options and all these perks, but he quit just shy of those 10 years because HE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. He said he couldn't see his awful boss ONE MORE DAY and it was totally worth it to cut his ties and never look back.

I get it.

I have no job lined up and funemployment starts today at 6:00 p.m., and it's 100000% worth it to me to not have to deal with the abuse anymore. I think I could be restored within a month.

My dad told me he had a horrible job one time too, and he didn't have a job lined up, and he was married and had a wife to provide for, and the job was so awful that he had to quit. He just had to before he lost his ever loving mind.

I GET IT.

I even had a former client send me a copy of "Joe vs. the Volcano" specifically to help me laugh off the fact that Joe's life is EXACTLY LIKE MINE regarding work and his office looks EXACTLY LIKE MINE. Another person who saw the humor in the pain. God sent me that woman!

I am about to fully embrace whatever it is that lies ahead. It could be writing or sales or clinical work or research or education. I don't give a shit what it is. As long as it isn't working in divorce in Los Angeles, California, I can handle it.