My butt is flat because my midterm just kicked it.

I just took the worst test ever. I have no idea how I did on it. The study guide was completely unrelated to the test. I'm depressed. I ate some cookie dough and watched "South Park" when I first got home. I don't feel any better.

Onto more interesting topics...

I was in Malibu today working with one of my kids. There were ashes flying all through the air because all of California was on fire or something. I wish you could have seen these kids running through the campus with their shirts pulled over their mouths and noses. I live in a methane-infested apartment complex and have never thought twice about how my kids will be born with hooves. These little barbies were flipping out about getting cancer. Not sure if this is a geographical or child-rearing thing, but I thought it was funny and weird. My parents grew up tearing asbestos siding off of their houses while drawing pictures on the pavement with it. Ah, the ongoing nature vs. nurture issue.

I had a great weekend. I didn't feel like I had to put myself under house arrest to study because I go to the gym every day and review my notes. Every effing day. Too bad it didn't pay off on this test I just took. Well, maybe it did. Who knows. To hell with catastrophic thinking. Anyway, I went out with one of my guy friends and a bunch of his buddies on Friday and had a blast. Woke up the next morning and went to mentor orientation not feeling too coherent. Then I had to have my picture taken so my mentee would know what I look like before we start meeting. Wish I had known that prior to rolling out of bed with the previous night's makeup on and feeling like my head was made out of concrete. Anyway, Saturday night I went to my best L.A. friend's party by the beach and had a flipping blast. Crashed some rocket scientist parties and acted a fool. Went to church Sunday morning wearing my party clothes from the night before and stole someone's nasty drink at Starbucks on accident. I was waiting patiently for my non-fat, non-flavor whatever the crap I got, and somehow I walked out with some froo-froo girly drink. I drank it 'cause I needed the caffeine but it sure made me grouchy to have to drink something so sugary. It irritates me when they don't write names on the cups. Grrr.

Today while I was exiting the grocery store/Starbuck's parking lot in Malibu, some crazy, burned out, tan 40-some-odd year old man approached me and said "WAIT! YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!" Me, being the naive and somewhat tard-pocket person that I am, said "What is it?" because I was afraid I'd forgotten my wallet. Anyway, he gave me his card, and said, "You caught my attention in there. I wanted to meet you." Uh. Okay. Then I told him I had to go because I was meeting my client. He asked what I did and I said I worked with LD kids. WHY, RACHEL?! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TALK TO CRAZY PEOPLE WHEN THEY FIT THE SERIAL RAPIST PROFILE?!?! I always give too much information. I'm my mother's clone. Then he starts going on and on about how I have "such good energy" and I am "so patient" and then he said, "You are a really kind hearted person." Right, dude. Since you know all about me. Then he tells me he's a surf instructor. I might have admired this when I was fourteen. I'm not going out with anybody again unless they have a real career. I'm sick of wasting my time. Don't get me started. He tells me to look at his card when I get in my car. I look at it, and on the back it says "There was just something about you. Aloha. 420. Mike." But I think he spelled "there" like "their," or something stupid like that (the card is out in my car), because immediately I judged his misspelling by him being a pothead. Probably not correlated, but whatever. These people and their weird ass fascination with "energy." I hear people tell me ALL THE TIME that I exude "good energy." What the crap does that even mean? In Memphis I make people want to take naps. In LA I give them good energy. I don't get it. And why do people always talk to me about drugs? 420. Really? I don't feel like I fit the druggie bill. My neighbor started talking to me all about drugs the other day. I DON'T DO DRUGS, PEOPLE! I barely even take Advil. I would rather suck it up and deal with the pain than have medicine head.

So by this point I have like 30 cards from a bunch of creepy Californian men and I'm trying do decide if I should:

A. Get them laminated and make a dress out of them,
B. Start a bonfire on the beach,
or
C. Be California green and recycle.

Men out here are so freaking weird. I got a card last week from some guy who was driving through my boss's neighborhood and asked me for directions as to how to exit the premises. There's only one main street. Surely he could have come up with a more creative pickup line. I was turned off by the baby seat in the back of his car.

Yesterday I ate delicious sushi after hanging out at the beach. I also ate pancakes after church at a guy's house whom I met on Saturday during the great rocket scientist party of oh ate. Something about living by myself has made me extremely social. I think I spend enough time alone to really appreciate other people when I'm with them. Things to ponder. I just recognized that I made two references to food in this paragraph. I am not that into food. I am no snob when it comes to caloric consumption. I think I like food because of the "sharing a meal" aspect. I enjoy the relational dynamics of eating with other people. I don't really care about the food part.

So I hung out with new friends yesterday and had a lot of fun- HOWEVER COMMA--- there was this completely obnoxious girl with us whom I almost stabbed about four times. I hate obnoxious people. Well, I take that back. I actually love most obnoxious people. I hate self-centered, bratty, high maintenance, stupid people. This girl was super loud, kept saying the same stupid stuff over and over again, was very flirty, and kept rubbing all over every guy around her. She also kept making crude comments. I am the queen of crude comments, but I always pair them with humor. She was just plain gross. Not a big fan of attention-seeking hoes who make crass comments trying to get men all riled up. Especially when these girls are dense and have nothing to contribute to society other than their reproductive organs. Depressing.
People who think they are soooo hot irritate me. I mean, looks only last until you're in your 30's (if you're lucky), then you have to rely on other assets. Blah. Stupid women. Hate 'em.

Well, I guess I better get back to my note cards so I don't flunk out of grad school to become a go go dancer. Wish me luck. One midterm down, two to go...