Sarah Haley is a Playa Hayta

Because my sister told me that my blogs have been depressing recently, I've decided to implement an upbeat one as to not make my audience cut themselves.

First off, a bug has bitten me on the butt. I keep sitting down at an angle because this thing hurts. I think that my hiney became bug-lunch when I was at the beach a few days ago. Anyway, I look like a gangsta. I'm on tilt all the time. As I write this, I'm at a 45-degree angle.

Thinking of yesterday... I am a big advocate of eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. This usually occurs as I sit on the couch in my unmentionables and dig into that jar of heaven while watching "Snapped." I don't eat a lot of meat, so I think I get my protein from peanut butter. Oh man, the best is dunking a spoon full of peanut butter into a bag of mini M & M's, but I try to avoid the extra calories. So anyway, my third grade client was running around the house scraping the last little bits of goodness out of the Jiff jar the other night. The kid had peanut butter all over her. I told her I like to spoon it out and eat it straight, too. Nice bonding moment.

Today was one of the best days ever. I woke up early (no I didn't. Why did I even say that?) and went to my friend's place by the beach. First of all, though he's only my friend, he looks like a god, which makes looking at him a somewhat euphoric experience. He's got this beautiful, all-American, Chris O'Donnel thing going, like he should model for Polo and play tennis and go sailing. Not really the type of guy that I've been attracted to in the past, but that's his look- clean and polished and wholesome. He's completely oblivious, too. He's such a normal guy. So anyway, he and I went to the beach this morning and body boarded, and it was a blast. Who wakes up, chugs coffee, drives to the beach, body boards and nearly drowns until one o'clock, goes to an interview, and gives a presentation in night class? I can't believe I live here. I wake up every day and think that same thing. I just can't believe it. So Hunkalicious and I hung out at the beach all morning- and I only lasted until my top threatened to remove itself a couple of times, so I'd drop my board to adjust my top, and then I'd get knocked down into the surf and stand up with seaweed all up in my huuur and a mouth full of salt water, so yeah, eventually I just slept on the beach like a fat crap and let hunk do his thing in the water. I'm not the best body boarder in L.A., but I sure had fun.

It was wonderful. I ran through the seagulls on the beach like Sean Connery in "Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade" and watched them fly away. I took a shower when I got home and had to get all of the sand out of my ears with Q-tips. What a wonderful problem to have.

I had an interview with one of my professors for a research job today. I got the job! I love research. I never saw myself morphing into a Type A Dork, but here I am, happy as a June bug. Does anyone know what that means? Happy as a June bug? That makes no sense. Happy as a clam? Really. What the crap. How about Happy as Pollyanna. I hate her. What an obnoxious girl.

Speaking of obnoxious girls, I'd like to share a story that occurred last week- it pertains to an obnoxious girl in my class who thinks that she is just as important as our professor. Most of the time, I want to stab her, but I refrain. She's always texting or typing or chewing something loud and she always interjects and takes over the class. She's ignorant and loud and always tries to brag about how intelligent she is. She's a dumbass. That's all there is to it. So we were talking about AD/HD and she gives this lengthy uninteresting monologue that went a little something like this:

"I heard that people who have AD/HD, if untreated, wind up having adjustment disorder, which brings oppositional defiance disorder, which brings conduct disorder, which can develop into personality disorder, and people who don't treat their AD/HD can develop severe personality disorders and can be really, really disturbed."

Me, being the b-word that I am, said,

"Hey, did you know that Charles Manson had AD/HD?"

Stupid girl: "Yeah, I know."

Me: "Oh really? Because I just made that up."

The whole class came unglued. People laughed hysterically. I felt like I held a small glimpse of victory in my hand. I think that I shall make it my personal goal to make this girl's life miserable for the rest of the semester because she's made me so effing miserable during the first two months of school. I hate ignorant people. Blah!